I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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