Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
