My cat gives me a boner
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
