Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i barfeds in our rink
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
