That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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