my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
