Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
