i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
