i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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