Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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