I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
