Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
