from now on my penis is your penis
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
