i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
