i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He has the fingertips of a God
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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