What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
