I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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