Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
