nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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