you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize