I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
