i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
