The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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