Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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