It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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