It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
