The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
