I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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