just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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