You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize