U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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