so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
