I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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