4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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