it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize