You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
