I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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