the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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