How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
