I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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