her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
