After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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