I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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