I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
