1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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