the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
