I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
