if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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