This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
