she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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