Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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