quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
