I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
