just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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