I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
