Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize