It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
