Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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