someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
