The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
