my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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