My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
