i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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