i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
