is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
