I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
