i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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