we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just high enough for therapy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
