Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
