Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
