we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
