The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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