There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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