Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he puts the penis in happiness.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
