My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When are your genitals available?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
