You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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