Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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