I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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